Please I Need Your Hep

Dear blog visitor, online intellectual stimulant and encourager,

Please I need your hep. You see, when I started this blog a few years ago, (adonbilivit) I thought I had a million years to be in my twenties. I expected that by the time I hit the big thirty, I would finally understand what life is about and be able to give advice to those coming of age based on my experiences.

Surprise surprise! I’m in my mid-twenties and  instead of figuring it all out, I have figured that “figuring out life” is a continuous exercise, and each stage of life brings its own challenges and questions. Along the line, I also figured out that once anyone of us gets to that place where we can predict everything around us, it does not mean that we have finally arrived, rather, it means that it is time to get uncomfortable and we are ready for a new adventure!

Don't Stop Telling Me Stories

I prefer to read books about dragons, super powers and mythical worlds, instead of reading books that profess to teach me ten tips that guarantee a successful career. I am happy to get lost with C.S Lewis, following him like a mouse entranced by the Pied Piper of Hamelin, as he introduces me to a world that did not exist until he created it. I give no excuses for believing wholeheartedly in his created world. The created world is usually a world that defies human logic, and in this illogical world, I would follow his instructions in order to understand the new logic that makes his created world work logically. 

I would get lost in the Iliad and the Odyssey (sorry to disappoint, I only read the children's version) and in my mind, recreate how Odysseus' dog died of joy after waiting so many years for his master's return. I would imagine how if the world in Harry Potter was real, I would not flinch if the portrait of my grandmother hanging in the living room, instructs me to wash my hands after eating eba. I would also get lost in Igbo land as Achebe explains the pride and resourcefulness of his people. I would imagine his proverb about the lizard that dropped from an Iroko tree, and began to nod as a gesture to praise himself for his heroic descent, since no one else chose to celebrate him. Can I forget my Chimamanda Adichie, who enticed me with the scent of her Purple Hibiscus and invigorated my mind with the beauty of an authentic story.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Suitcase and Tie

Ladies and gentlemen, today we take a cue from Hollywood

You know this song by Justin Timberlake - "Suit and Tie"? It has been ringing in my head for a while now. However, the catch is that whenever the tune plays in my head, I automatically remix it and sing "As long as I've got my suitcase and tie". Yes suitcase. The same old carry to the airport- please don't be more than 23 kilograms suitcase.

One thing I have observed over the past few years is that for most people, our twenties and thirties are the years we are likely to live out of a suitcase. Take this from someone who only recently packed away her suitcases.

If you are Nigerian, I can chart your suitcase journey easily. It usually starts from when you enter university. In this circumstance though, I don't quite count university as much of a suitcase phase because even though you might have to move between hostel A and hostel B or apartment A and apartment B, there is a central theme to your moving- you have to be around school.

The Etisalat Prize For Literature A.K.A The Show Where Asa Slayed!

Contrary to popular belief, I am a bit of a couch potato. I just want to lay down somewhere, read a book, watch videos about dogs on YouTube, or have witty bants with someone in person or over the phone. If I have all or some of these, I'm typically good. However, on Thursday the 17th of March, at 5:08 AM, when decent people were still asleep, except of course they live in Lagos, I put out a plea for "hep" because I wanted to attend the Etisalat Prize for Literature. I don't actually consider myself a writer because I think owning that tag requires a lot of boldness, deepness and sometimes, a dash of weirdness (or uniqueness if you want to be polite), and I'm not sure I possess all these qualities in adequate measure. However I thought to myself, "if you are too chicken to call yourself a writer, won't it do you some good to be in the midst of literary giants? Maybe by osmosis, you might get some of their qualities and realize that the writer tag is not for a few." So I made a decision that I was going to attend the event, but there was a little snag, I didn't have a ticket or know how to get a ticket, and the event was strictly by invitation. So I began a quest to get tickets, and I sure did learn a great deal along the way.

By the time I embarked on my quest, the show was only two days away,  so I did what came to mind first, I asked for help on Facebook. 

My Cry for "Hep"

Leap In

If your birthday is on the 29th of February, what will you do? Will you mope around at the fact that your birthday comes once every four years like the Olympics, or will you covet both the 28th of February and the 1st of March and claim to have at least two birthdays in a year? Will you treat the interval between each 29th of February as an opportunity to plan for the next 29th of February birthday bash, or will you be the person who says something cheeky when asked about their age? Will you be glad that you don't have to worry every year about whether or not you want to have a birthday party, or will you be afraid that you won't receive birthday presents every year? The different possible reactions are numerous. We are responding to the same stimulus- the 29th of February birthday-  but we will react in very different ways.

Possessed by the Nigerian Spirit

I have been in a bit of a mood for the past few weeks and I haven't trusted myself to write something down. Perhaps this is because I have been afraid that every word I type on my keyboard will bring the feeling I have been nursing to life. I sat with my thoughts for a little while, and in the midst of the several issues that floated in my mind, I realized that I  have been worried about Nigeria, the fate of Nigerians and yes, my fate.

You see, a lot has been going on with the Nigerian economy. There is a great deal of uncertainty in the air particularly with regards the exchange rate. Churches have rightly increased the number of minutes (or hours, depending on which church you go to) spent praying for the nation. Employees resume at the place of their employment without guarantee that they will have a job by the end of the day. Power supply is still erratic and the tariff for the barely supplied electricity is now ridiculously high. In fact, even the weather has ganged up against Nigerians, as the heat over the past few days has been unapologetic. 

Be Smart, Be Like Mariam, Be Like Bill, Be Like Who?

Over the past few days, you ought to have been introduced to Bill, the stick-man who has been given the enormous task of telling the whole world how to behave. You might have seen all sorts of ridiculous memes with Bill as the subject matter. I have pooled a few below, in case you haven't seen any- meaning you might have been under a rock for the past few days.

When I first met Bill, it appeared as if the point of the meme was to somewhat tell everyone how best to behave online. So Bill will advise you not to be a movie spoiler, not to invite your Facebook friends to play candy crush, or advise you not to troll anonymous people on the internet because you disagree with them.

As the days went by and I observed Bill more, I noticed that Bill's terms of reference had extended beyond advising us about internet culture and behavior, to advising us generally about what should be acceptable behavior. Bill now has an opinion about everything, from how you walk your dog to how you conduct yourself at the gym. No wonder some people think Bill is rather smug.

Bill has received mixed reactions, and some people have reacted so violently to Bill, that they have asked Uma Thurman to kindly kill Bill.

I find these memes extremely funny, but they got me thinking about the fact that whether or not we want to admit it, society expects a certain level of conformity. This made me question whether we really need to conform or behave like Bill, or Mariam or anyone else for that matter. My conspiracy theorist persona will go ballistic and say that Bill is an end of age conformist agent, trying to subconsciously alter our perspective on acceptable behavior (just kidding!)

I admit that there is a certain level of conformity that is required, but rather than label it conformity, I would rather say that there is a certain level of consideration that is required from us by society. So I think Bill is right to advise  you not to play loud music on the train in consideration of the comfort of others, but outside scenarios where we have to be considerate of others, we have no obligation to listen to Bill, especially when he seems to be stifling our individuality. When this happens, our adherence to Bill's advice should end because part of the beauty of humanity is that fact that we are all so different. 

Different things excite us, and we should not be caged to celebrate only one type of different. If you are a foodie and you are excited to share your food experiences on your timeline, then it shouldn't matter that there is another foodie on your timeline who will have the same experience as you , but choose not to share it. The fact that you travel around the world and you don't post pictures, doesn't make you more polished or better than those who do, it only means you are different from them. So I appreciate Bill to the extent that he informs us about how best to take others into consideration when we act, but beyond that, I will gladly tell Bill to shove his opinion in an undesirable place. 

Bill is just a symbol of society, made up of you, me, our friends and family. We are always silently watching, silently judging, silently castigating others for expressing their inner selves, because we don't agree with them, understand them or sometimes because we are not as bold as they are.

Let us be considerate of each other, but please let us celebrate our differences, quirks and strange little things that make us stand out from the next person. You can wear your hair long, short, in dreads or twists and Bill should not have an opinion on that. Be considerate, but don't be like Bill, or like Mariam, be like YOU!

This is my best meme so far on the be like Bill trend. I burst out laughing when I saw this.
#20slove

Hello, my name is ... and we need to talk.

"Why are you fearful, O you of little faith"

Hello you. I know we just met this morning, but I also know that you have been expecting me for a while. You on the other hand, have been on my mind for way longer than a while. I know we are just starting this relationship, so I apologize for already hitting you with the classic "we need to talk" line. But I feel we need to have this discussion early because I heard some things about you from all your exes, and it is only fair we discuss them now so that we can begin our relationship on the right note.

Let's Get High?

Worry not family, friends and well wishers, I don't do drugs and you shouldn't too, but this doesn't mean that I can't still get high on other addictions. Today, I'm talking about destination addiction.

Let me digress a little bit before I take you to rehab. You see, I like being online because of the sense of community that comes with the internet. The fact that I am simultaneously connected to someone in Seoul, who is trying to figure out whether the infamous 2015 dress is blue or gold is pretty cool to me (remember that *g** dress lol). My daily internet rummage sometimes produces gold, particularly when I find that someone has perfectly articulated a thought I have been struggling to articulate for a while. Sometimes, it is almost as if the universe understands my struggle and decides to use her invisible hand of mental connection to transpose the elusive thought to the mind of another of her wards. The universe then decides that she is not done, and she guides my iPhone scrolling fingers to the very online spot where the thought has been articulated and kept for me. This picture reflects one of those thoughts, and it deals with destination addiction. 

Aspire to a great future, but not at the expense of the present.

Take your Miss Bulgaria into 2016 with you.

Even if we already know what to do, we always look for that one friend who will push us to do it! Well done Miss Bulgaria

I'm not even going to try to be intellectual with this post, (yeah right lol) I'm just going to share my Miss Universe kick with you.

You must have read about Steve Harvey's mistake of announcing Miss Columbia as Miss Universe, instead of Miss Philippines. I can barely imagine the trauma Miss Columbia is having at the moment, and I only pray she rises above it soon and even shines as a result of it.

However, my dear friend, did you notice Miss Bulgaria? She came out straight to tell Miss Philippines to get her pretty self over there to take her crown! I saw the picture above with the caption and simply had to write about it. It is not normal for a beauty queen in her own right to do what Miss Bulgaria did, and I need to break this down to you. You see, beauty queens are supposed to be composed and untouchable in their glowing ethereal beauty, irrespective of the situation. You are not supposed to think about Agbani Darego, the first black Miss World and imagine her licking her fingers after demolishing a  well prepared plate of pounded yam and egusi soup. No way! Agbani can only be imagined sitting in a corner, wearing Dolce and Gabbana (don't dull). Yes, beauty queens portray an image of unattainable beauty (a story for another day) but that is the image they have been programmed to portray, and to have Miss Bulgaria break that stereotype in order to encourage another queen is really refreshing and inspiring.